Iain's AdviceDear Iain, I can’t help flushing the toilet before I’ve finished peeing

Words by Iain Trickett
Illustration by Maxwell Paternoster
First published in Issue 3 of BOTHER magazine December 2024

Dear Iain

I can’t help flushing the toilet before I’ve finished peeing. Although it feels like I’ve nearly finished, the toilet fills with clean water before I’m done, forcing me to flush again. Far from saving time, I’m actually prolonging the procedure! There’s a feeling of guilt about wasting water, but the darker worry is that I have a problem that extends to other parts of my life. I’m an all-or-nothing character driven by stress, and I struggle to relax. I have a tendency to rush things and when I try to slow down I fear that I’ll drift into total shutdown. I feel stuck between jumping the gun or getting lost in the void. Please help me to find poise and peace of mind. Surely a shift in outlook will also bring more mindfulness to my toilet flushing routine.

Anonymous, Calderdale

Iain replies:

It sounds like you’ve uncovered a habit in the humble setting of your bathroom, flushing the toilet before the job is done. You’ve linked this behaviour to a deeper concern about how you approach tasks in life – rushing to the finish line – yet feel as though you’re trapped between speeding ahead and getting lost in a sea of inaction. While this might seem like an oddly specific quirk, it is super common and worth exploring what might be going on behind it, psychologically speaking.

Let’s begin with the idea of action bias. This is the tendency to prefer doing something over doing nothing, even when it’s not particularly helpful. Your pre-emptive flushing might be an attempt to feel more in control of the situation, even though it creates the opposite effect – you end up wasting more time and, unfortunately, water. Action bias can be linked to the idea that being busy equals productivity. In reality, that premature flush isn’t speeding up your routine, it’s prolonging it.

This rushing tendency also ties in to perfectionism and the need for closure. You may feel a deep-seated urge to complete tasks quickly, in an attempt to relieve a sense of stress or discomfort. Psychologists often refer to this as the Zeigarnik effect – a phenomenon where unfinished tasks linger in our minds, creating anxiety until they are resolved. The problem is, in trying to rush through a task, you might not give it the time and attention it deserves, whether that’s weeing or anything else in life. You’ve convinced yourself that by finishing quicker, you’ll have more control or peace of mind. But instead, you’re caught in a cycle of half-completions that don’t quite satisfy the part of you that needs things to be done ‘properly’.

It’s worth considering the impact of stress here, too. You’ve described yourself as an ‘all-or-nothing’ character who struggles to relax – a textbook example of someone caught in what psychologists call the fight- or-flight response. When we’re under stress, our bodies go into survival mode, either pushing us to take rapid action (like flushing too soon) or freezing us in place, unable to act. It sounds like you often lean towards the ‘fight’ side of the equation, rushing through tasks in an attempt to stave off the anxiety of doing nothing. But this constant state of heightened urgency can also backfire, as you’ve noticed.

One of the most useful tools to combat this cycle is mindfulness (sorry to say it again). This is essentially the practice of being fully present in the moment, without judgement. It involves slowing down, paying attention to what you’re doing, and accepting that it’s OK to take your time. In your toilet-flushing dilemma, mindfulness might mean consciously resisting that initial urge to flush too soon. Instead, you’d focus on the act of passing water itself – yes, seriously – and allow yourself to complete the task before flushing, with a sense of calm and presence. This mindful approach can translate to other areas of your life as well. When you find yourself rushing through tasks, you could try to pause, breathe, and take things one step at a time.

Now, I can see how the idea of slowing down might be worrying for you. You mentioned that when you try to ease off the pressure, you fear drifting into ‘total shutdown’. This suggests a classic catastrophising thought pattern, where the mind leaps to the worst-case scenario. But slowing down doesn’t have to mean stopping entirely. In fact, by pacing yourself, you might find that you’re able to manage tasks more effectively, avoiding that feeling of being overwhelmed that leads to shutdown in the first place.

Another concept that may be at play is cognitive flexibility – the ability to adapt thinking and behaviour in response to different situations. When we get stuck in rigid thought patterns (like thinking you can’t wear green trousers, when in fact they’re great and make you look like Action Man), it can be difficult to shift gears. But cultivating cognitive flexibility allows you to explore a middle ground between ‘jumping the gun’ and ‘getting lost in the void’. It’s about allowing yourself to slow down without fearing you’ll grind to a halt.

So, your toilet-flushing habit may be a small but telling sign of how you approach life: rushing to completion, fuelled by stress, but never quite feeling at ease. By practising mindfulness, embracing cognitive flexibility, and gently letting go of the urge to act prematurely, you might not only save a bit of water, but also discover a calmer, more balanced approach to life’s tasks. After all, the key to peace of mind isn’t about finishing first, it’s about being present. We are human beings, not human ‘doings’ and it is absolutely OK just to ‘be’ in the moment.

Iain Trickett is the founder and owner of Accrington-based brand, TRiCKETT England. He was a semi-professional rugby league player before injury, but would he have been our agony uncle if not for the career-ender? That doesn’t bear thinking about.